V2MOM - Word/Action Alignment
Our word is everything. As any coaching client of mine knows, I place great emphasis on aligning our word to our actions. At eGuide coaching, we practice V2MOM coaching, which encourages word/action alignment by providing structure for commitments in the form of ‘Measures’.
Why is Word/Action Alignment Important?
Integrity is a muscle. It is something we are all capable of, but most of us have not built up this skill in a meaningful way. If you look closely at yourself and at those around you, you’ll begin to notice integrity attrition everywhere. Here are a few examples:
You tell your boss you’ll have that task done today… You get it done the next morning.
The barista tells you your coffee will be ready in one minute… You get it in ten minutes.
A friend says they are finished pursuing that dead end relationship… You’re there for them a month later when nothing has changed.
These are the small but meaningful ways in which we allow our word and our action to fall out of alignment. Nothing disastrous has occurred, and none of these are boldfaced lies - they are simply minor slippages.
Let’s start with grace and understanding for ourselves and others.
No one is perfect. It’s not the end of the world to say one thing and do something slightly different. In the third example we see someone who may simply need to vent, without being held accountable to every word. And I’m all for it! And when it comes to goal setting, it is often good to set a high bar for yourself, even if you ultimately fall short. As they say, “Aim for the moon. Even if you fall short, you’ll still hit the stars.”
That’s all fine and good, but the problem with these minor slippages is that we get used to them. We get used to the idea that our commitments are really just ‘maybe’s. We settle for a world in which the things we say will happen might happen - and the world responds in kind. We come to believe that our experience of life is ultimately out of our control because we believe that our own actions are out of our control.
Here’s what I think: We are all capable of aligning our word with our actions and it is powerful to do so. The V2MOM coaching system is proof of this.
Our clients experience the power of achieving their measures one by one, with the support of an experienced coach. The magic of word/action alignment is that it extends beyond just the measures we set explicitly - the momentum built from accomplishing a few key measures grows and builds upon itself. Success begets success. Over time, our clients find that they are able to set and complete measures on their own because they have strengthened their integrity muscle.
I want you to experience what it’s like to act in integrity with your commitments because I’ve seen how powerful that can be.
When you know that your word can be trusted, you will also know that you have agency in life.
What can we do about it?
By now I’m sure you’re imagining yourself gritting your teeth and militantly accomplishing everything on your to do list. I’ve heard this approach described as ‘white knuckling’ - and it doesn’t work.
When it comes to word/action alignment, we make two misguided assumptions over and over again:
My action is only meaningful if I do A LOT.
In order to meet my commitments, I need to do A LOT.
These assumptions have us committing to anything that sounds right and trying to do it all. We inevitably find that we can’t do it all and we prioritize impulsively in ways that are not always
aligned with our values.
Let me replace these with more effective assumptions:
My action is meaningful if I do THE RIGHT things CONSISTENTLY.
In order to meet my commitments, I need to make THE RIGHT COMMITMENTS.
Now we’re being very intentional about what we are committing to and why. We are checking back in with our core values consistently. We trust that if we consistently take the right actions at the right time we will see our vision actualized. We understand that fully completing a few commitments is more powerful than partially completing a lot of commitments.
Here are a couple of actionable tips to get you started with this work
Tip #1:
Every morning (or every night) step away from all the screens and notifications and write down one action step that you know you need to take. Choose a bite size commitment that will take you one step closer to something you care about. Keep it small and easy. The point here is not to move mountains, it’s merely to strengthen your integrity muscle.
Then do that thing within the next 24 hours.
By completing this exercise consistently you will experience a boost in self esteem and you will strengthen your attunement to word/action alignment. You’ll also start to see things move forward in your life. It’s hard to believe, but taking JUST ONE meaningful action towards something you care about every day ACTUALLY IS enough to make a difference and gain traction.
Tip #2
Buy yourself some time before committing to things.
The next time a friend invites you to their all day tubing adventure… say maybe! When your boss asks if you can have something completed by the end of the week, say, “That sounds reasonable, I’ll confirm that timeline as soon as possible.” Give yourself a minute, or a day or two, to process what’s actually being asked of you and whether or not you’re going to be able to make that commitment. Come to a decision on your own time, and communicate back to the parties involved.
Most of the integrity slippage we see with our clients happens during the fleeting moments throughout the day. We don’t want to say “NO”, so we say “yes” and resent it later.
Remember that “I don’t know” “Maybe” and “I’ll let you know” are almost always options, and give yourself the time you need to make commitments that work for you.
You’ll find that the other human beings in your life (the friend who loves tubing and the boss who needs to hit a deadline) will appreciate you for being someone with integrity. They will be willing to take a ‘maybe’ now, if that means they can trust your ‘YES’ later.
Keep it simple. Keep it real. Keep it tuned in to the eGuide Blog at all times.
Coach Clayton
Help Someone. Have Fun, Be You. Learn & Teach. Finish What You Start.
